Experiments with kindness as an approach for work.

The challenge

A team of three of us accepted a challenge to experiment with kindness as a work method. This meant we had two equally weighted goals – one to complete project tasks, and the other a commitment to “Kindness Based Teamwork” for the duration of our projects. First we had to define what this meant for us, then practice it and record our progress.

Project story

Our experiment with kindness extended over two projects. Initially, we shared our understanding of kindness and what it may mean for our work process. To clear emotional baggage we shared our worries (“ I don’t want to carry the team”) and what pushes our buttons (“um, I don’t like red pen on orange post-its”, ”please be on time”). We made some guidelines and agreements, and set up regular kindness check-ins.

Kindness Based Teamwork 1.0

Kindness check-ins became the backbone of our kindness practice. When disagreements happened we parked them at a suitable point and continued in a kindness check-in. They provided a “safe space” for all our issues - project and personal - to be aired and worked through, giving us the chance to take a different perspective. In the beginning, each check-in required hard work from all of us to fully understand the others point of view and act sensitively. It did work well however. We heard each other; once something was out in the open it was respected and acted on, and often turned into a joke.

Kindness Based Teamwork 2.0

For our second KBT project we had to collaborate remotely. There was time to do some thorough project planning, and also kindness planning. Kindness strategies included being in touch every day, sharing thoughts and problems, keeping a personal journal for self reflection / self compassion, various tools for motivation, background reading on kindness, and an “Arena” where kindness wisdom could be used to combat conflicts.

During this second project together, the hard work from our previous project paid off. We found we were instinctively kinder and more aware of each other. Issues were quickly aired and discussed, nipping them in the bud before they grew larger so the conflict Arena went unused. Working with kindness also positively affected our relationships with participants and our client.

Key learnings

For our team, kindness made a profound difference to our working together. It extended into our personal lives as well. It provided an opportunity to have fun while deepening our understanding of our work and ourselves, and a confidence that we were truly putting something good into the world.

Reading list

Books about kindness:

• On Kindness: Adam Philips, Barbara Taylor
• The Power of Kindness: Piero Ferrucci, Vivien Reid Ferrucci
• Field notes on the compassionate life: Marc Ian Barasch

Practical techniques:

• The Pattern System: Jay Easley
• Nonviolent communication: Marshall Rosenburgh
• Compassion scales (and self compassion): Kristin Neff

10 KBT Guidelines

1. Have a kind intention
2. Be open and honest
3. Be understanding, mistakes happen let go and learn from them
4. Check in regularly about feelings, kindness and work status
5. Make consciously kind decisions e.g. turning unkind thoughts into kind actions
6. Acknowledge other peoples kind acts and our own 
7. Clear communication, explain and listen well especially in times of stress
8. In time-critical situations, park disagreements for discussion later and move on
9. Acknowledge to yourself when you feel you are under attack and say so
10. Understand what pushes your buttons and tell the others.